I’m dying. Yes, you read that correctly. How many times do you die within one lifetime? How many times have you continued to breath even though you have broken wide open and just kept moving forward? This time I’m conscious of my active dying state. It’s raw. It’s unavoidable. I’m struggling through if I could be completely honest. Tuesday night I fell asleep crying and woke up Wednesday knowing that I could not continue my day serving others. I needed time by myself. I rescheduled my sessions for the day and ventured to the woods.

I found myself on a familiar path while feeling pulled to a specific area in the woods. Magnetized to an unambiguous tree stump to sit and write. As I sat down, I took in the environment surrounding me. The loud flapping of cricket wings throughout the trees while birds serenaded along the slight breeze that followed as I asked the tree directly beside me if I could sit and write. I placed my hand on the tree and received a soft response of, yes, be strong, we are all interconnected. We never struggle alone. I needed every tree around me. I gave gratitude and allowed myself to connect with my Higher Self.

I feel peace. NO anxiety. NO fear. NO desire outside of being in this moment,

and I wish I could keep this locked in a glass container, to open whenever peace is needed.

Is that selfish?

Success is the ability to make a living and save doing work that reciprocates its impact onto others.

I’ve been lost. I needed guidance, answers, and reassurance but the answer I received…. I truly want not prepared for.

Tears flowed fiercely down my face, and I knew in that moment I was actively dying. For the first time I understood that what was occurring in real time was that an aspect of myself was transitioning into a higher version of myself. I’ve experienced this death before when I finally felt ready to leave an abusive relationship when I was 21. That version of darkness died, and the beginning of healing began. I continued to write and understood the download, the realization that I had just received. This version of myself is coming to an end and to say that I’m not concerned with what will happen next would be a complete lie. Each day provides space for surrender. At this point there is nothing I can do to change the process or slow it down. I’ve accepted this. Breath in, breath out, I’m here as my rebirth approaches. Death and transformation occur within and is then reflected externally. You’ll see me the same way that I see you.

How many times have you died and been reborn while still breathing? As we think of death we think about the absolute loss of one’s physicality when in reality death is an accumulation of loss and change simultaneously. The ability to recognize your own death, active death, before your rebirth is an astonishing position to be in. Whether you’re conscious of this occurring it’s happening. Take time to grieve, ask for support, and know that your rebirth will be beautiful and life changing.