Trauma, Psilocybin, and Healing

Abuse is never to okay but the experience alone is only inspired for growth. At the age of 18 I met a guy who I had no interest in building a long term fulfilling relationship with, yet he was right on time on this journey I call life. Michael was not my type, we had nothing really in common with one another but he was obsessed with me and at the tender age of 18 I felt intrigued by that. I felt a drawing to his “need” for me. I am a nurturer and it was as if he knew that and never wanted to let go. The relationship was very tumultuous, draining, and I become someone I didn’t even know. I started to mirror his behaviors and I became a monster. It was my only defensive mechanism against him. The cheating, hitting, the emotional lacerations that never were allowed to heal, to the moments I felt like I would die without him, without the dysfunction that became my normality.

Broken people hurt and break other people. With that said, it was a vicious cycle that ended in a physical altercation with one of the mother of his children, consistent harassment and attacks, which ultimately led to a 5 year restraining order. Fast forward to 7 years later, when I felt a strong desire to trek onto a psilocybin journey and so I did. The journey began with feelings that came up from the traumatic history I had with him and initially I was frustrated because I didn’t want this to be a bad trip and it wasn’t. I journeyed onward past him but that’s another story. If you want to read the rest about my trip check out My Psilocybin Trip. Anyways, so I haven’t seen him since I had him served with a restraining order and I thought everything had been worked through but I was wrong because the next day when I walked directly past him, even with a strong and seemingly nonchalant face, my inside was chaotic, spewing swords and stones, and so it was I broke down. Not because I realized I had feelings for him but because of the releasing I was still doing. The psilocybin uncovered the trauma and brought it to the surface and the Universe allowed us to cross each other presenting an opportunity to heal.

Will I ever forget all that he did to me, no, am I able to forgive myself for the mirroring that I did within the relationship and harm that I had done, yes. Since I do I have a clinical counseling background in addition to attending counseling myself, I understand that broken people hurt and break other people and then I entered into a space of loving-kindness. Loving self is more than just individual, it’s the ability to forgive yourself and others and be able to see others as another soul just trying to stay on track of their own soul contract, their own reasoning for incarnation. I’m by no means stating that abuse is okay because it’s not; understanding where you stand in all the chaos and finding your strength, ability, and wisdom out of the situation is the most fulfilling lesson, in hindsight. Psilocybin granted passage for me to heal trauma and release energy that was no longer needed within my root and sacral chakras. Healing is powerful, you are powerful, never forget your origins. You are of the Universe Baby, remember that always.

 

*Inserted a picture of driving through Washington state for its tranquility.

Healing Through Meditation, Light Language, and Isis’s Gift

On Friday the 14th I took a brief hiking hiatus with one I call Auntie Judy. Auntie Judy is my best friend’s sister’s aunt who happens to be an amazing lightworker who is advanced in her abilities. She reached out to me on Thursday and asked if i would want to go on a early morning hike the next morning. Normally I’m hesitant because I see counseling clients every day before I go to work and I was worried I wouldn’t get back to the office in time, but I felt like I needed to go so I went. We hiked down to a lagoon and she performed healing on me implementing light language and inviting my guides and any beings that want to come in and help heal me. AnkhLight language is an universal language that differs depending on the origin of spiritual entity that is assisting with healing process. Auntie Judy  informed me that different entities that were present for my healing involved fairies, Archangel Metatron and Archangel Raphael, a Pleiadian guide, an Arcturian, and the Egyptian Goddess Isis. With each energy the flow of the language changed. The language is difficult to explain but it’s made of different sounds and frequency of hums.

I had some past life trauma located in my solar plexus which was affecting me in this lifetime. I sat on a rock and closed my eyes while Auntie Judy invited energetic beings from the higher realms and of higher vibration to come in and assist me in healing. During the healing I saw blackness coming out of my  3rd chakra and envisioned electric yellow replacing the darkness; it was then that Auntie Judy informed me that Isis was coming in and presented a gift of the Ankh to me, placing it directly in my 3rd chakra. She admitted this is something she has never seen before and encouraged me to research and meditate on the meaning of the symbol. The Ankh symbolizes eternal life and signifies wisdom in addition to insight on the highest level. Wisdom and insight are two keys that I am actively always trying to obtain because knowledge is power!

Amber Choisella