Found A Life Worth Living Without You: A Letter About the Survival of Love

Dear Babe,
Your soul decided to go Home two years ago. I remember the moment your Soul spoke to me and you told me, “I’m tired, I’m tired”. At that very moment I saw you as though I was viewing you in tunnel vision. Your mouth didn’t move. Immediately tears rolled down my face and I knew your time here on this dense plane was temporary. The last sentence you said to me was, “I love you too Amber”. I ran from the room and HE ran after me and held me as my soul wept. The wall hallway tormented me and I felt small, almost non-existent as if life wasn’t worth living anymore. An existence without you was inconceivable. Here at the age of 27 I felt life was no longer prevalent. August 18th I sat next to your bed and read you a Sylvia Browne book about crossing over. I stuttered fighting against fatigue and sorrow. I was suppose to spend the night with you and twin but the hospital didn’t have an extra chair bed so before I left I sat beside you and grabbed your bruised hand, kissed your third eye, and stroked your face.

As I was walking out of the door I said, “I’ll spend the night with you tomorrow night. I love you Babe”, and without delay I heard, “I love you too”. No hesitation I said, “She still here, I just heard her say I love you too”. I left my twin and my greatest love for the last time. 3am my Mom called and simply said, “She’s gone”.

My Babe
This time last year I was inconsolable, but I heard your voice tell me to get up and go to church so church is where I went. It was healing and what I needed. All last week I kept hearing and noticing your name…. Madeline, Maddie. For example, I was speaking to you on my way to work on Wednesday last week which isn’t uncommon. When I got to work I had an urge to look at the painted portrait that hangs on the wall besides my work desk and I noticed the artist’s name was Maddie and it was dated ’16. I’ve been sitting at this desk for 3 months and never noticed this. Over the weekend I was speaking to twin and I told her what I had been noticing and I told her I knew that was your way of communicating with me. She went to see a medium and at the end of the reading and WE came up. She asked if she had a sister, which she said yes. She then went onto say, that YOU were with me during this time and were encouraging me to heighten my confidence with a project that I’m doing. That gave me the validation that you ARE and HAVE BEEN communicating with me. Oh Babe, I miss your smile and your touch but because of your love, I know life again is worth living. I’m okay too, I’m surviving this existence without your physicality. I can do this because I’m your granddaughter.
I’ve never known a love as pure nor a soul as beautiful and wise as yours.
Love your Baby.

Feeling Tired? You Could Be Releasing Energy.

Whenever energy is being released from your being it can be extremely exhausting and a lot of the time we’re not even aware it’s happening. When there’s a dimensional shift the body has to acclimate to match a higher vibrational frequency and it’ll affect us on a physical level. This is what is happening now. Be easy on yourself, drink plenty of water, smudge yourself with sage and palo santo, and rest whenever possible as you move through this shift. A lot is going on in the World and our Universe, when we take care of us first, we’re more equipped to serve others.

In a state of calmness within energetic release

Amber Choisella

Conquering Anxiety

Lately life has been ROUGH. That’s all caps and bold because there’s no other way I can quite describe it. I am in my final 5 weeks down to completing my Master’s program in addition to moving an hour away from my current job and internship. Every day I am at my internship site for a few hours then I work an 8 hour shift, and drive an hour home. I get home at 12am -ish and then go to sleep for a few hours, just to get up and do it all again. Oh and just not forget the fact that I just recovered from a chronic sinus infection that 3 rounds of antibiotics could not kill. I’ve spend 3 months of coughing incessantly with no to no sleep until 2 weeks again when I finally saw an Allergist and she prescribed me a steroid and antibiotics, which cleared me up QUICK. To say that I have been struggling these last 3 weeks is an understatement. I have spend many days and nights crying to myself, my therapist, my partner, and really anyone who pretends to want to listen. Honestly, I wish I had the affordability to quit work and focus entirely on graduating but that’s just not the reality I live in.

Whenever I struggle in life I tend to block the world from seeing this side of me. It’s like I have to maintain this certain image of myself to the world. I always have to be positive and hopeful; the carrier of light for others, but again, this is not the reality in which I live in. Shit is real, no one can always be positive and uplifting all the time and there’s no fucking shame in that. I  STRUGGLE and I lost my HAPPINESS in the mist of trying to do everything I’m suppose to be doing.  I lost sight of what happiness means for me. Spirituality and nature makes me happy but honestly I’ve been too exhausted to do anything close to these two things.  Does this make me weak or less than the image you’ve created for me?

Learning to stay fully in the present is hard within chaos, but it’s doable. 5 weeks isn’t too far away and when I choose to stay in this moment I alleviate the thrills of anxiety, discouragement, and a place of swallowed darkness. I’m not always the uplifting spiritual teacher/ mentor but I’ll always be the realest spiritual teacher/mentor because at the end of each day I am a Spirit living a human existence. Forgive me for I shall not lie or pretend to be someone I’m not; I’m just Amber Choisella.

If I’m Gonna Be Trained for Reiki I Better Know How It Feels First… Right?

It felt amazing. I had my first healing session of Reiki today and I have to admit I did not anticipate on feeling so tired afterwards, honestly. So before I tell you the after effects let me tell you the story first.

I am training as a counselor here in Sacramento, CA and the site that I’m with, my supervisor happens to be a Reiki Master. This is a fact that I have recently just found out, but it’s another colleague of mine who performed reiki today. She rents a room in the office to perform Reiki for clients (outside of the mental health counseling field). I asked for a session since she will also be training me as well. She is a Reiki Master too. It’s so interesting that this is the route I’m going now, because it appears it’s what’s surrounding me right now. Ok ok, now the session…

I had an hour session. She asked what areas I wanted more attention on and I told her to focus more on my throat and sacral areas. I asked for my ancestors, loved ones, and Guardian Angels to come in and assist as well. I started to feel the energy as soon as she started. Once she made it to my lower chakras I immediately felt the strong urge to urinate, as if I had been holding it forever so we took a break and I ran to the bathroom to relieve my bladder and the released energy my body was no longer holding onto. I went back into the room and when we started up again, I felt a strong chill from the top of my head straight down to the bottom of my feet, multiple times. Following this sensation I felt the presence of other healers working on me as well, I felt that they were ancestral, but that was all the information I received. I didn’t question it, I just accepted the flow and everything that was happening within and beside me. I also had a flashback to a past life of when I was in Ancient Egypt. I was looking up at a wall made out of gold. I did not see any hieroglyphics but it felt familiar and then I was back in the present moment. When she was done with the healing she informed me that she too picked up some past life stuff relating to my sacral chakra and felt the energy of my ancestors as well during the healing session.

As I said before, this was an amazing experience. Which leads me to my previous question, how am I going to be trained for energy healing if I’ve never experienced it, that’s not honest, in my eyes. I am so excited and on board with this journey that I’m embarking upon consistently. I have started my E-book, The 5 Keys to Becoming Spiritually Confident, so please be on the lookout for it very soon!

Love and Light my Friends!

Reiki
Photo of Reiki found online 

 

Praying for Humanity

There is no real separation among mankind besides the separation we create around us. The chaos, the loss of blood is from us to us. This is the time to awaken and unite to raise consciousness. Pray for Humanity, for praying brings an abundance of healing and forgive man for man knows not what he does.

Starting My Business: Maintaining My Momentum!!!

Hey everyone! It’s been a lllooooongg time since I’ve written anything but I’ve been busy creating my new business, The Free Spirited Spiritual Development and Coaching Program!!! Spirit told me that I was ready to go after the eclipse and I’ve hit the ground running ever since!!!

I have to say honestly, it’s been a sort of chain reaction type of event ever since the last psychic show I worked for. It was in June of this year when I met another vendor by the name of Michelle P. She asked for my business card and ended up calling me a week after the event. She asked if I had a mentor or a coach working with me and then she gave me a few names in my area that she knew who could help me build my business, this was the starting point! I contacted a woman named Katrina S who lived in the Sacramento area and I didn’t hear back from her for about a month. When she finally contacted me I forgot why I had reached out to her but I really liked her vibe. She apologized for not seeing my message sooner due to the fact that the message went to her spam folder unexpectedly. Divine timing if you ask me, because I was ready.

Had I not met Katrina I would know nothing about the huge benefits of networking, redesigning my website, the importance of email opt-in’s, and how to even develop a business and marketing plan! There’s a lot to learn when creating a business but then again I am my brand so it’s salient to get out into the community and meet referral sources, possible joint venture opportunities, and CLIENTS!

In offering a free psychic reading I bring forth the interest and it’s always exciting for me to bring forth information that I’m picking up from the sitter’s energy and from Spirit, but the working to transform, that’s where the most excitement lies for me! Teaching others about their spiritual origins and reminding their spirit of who they really are and what they are capable of is soooo fulfilling! I want to travel the country and the world educating and sharing with others; that will be my greatest desire with this business! Here’s to manifesting GREATNESS!!!

 

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Memorializing the Life of Babe a Year Later

Everyday, I think about her everyday but when I woke up this morning my soul wept. It wept because it reminded this was the date that she made her transition, a year ago. We communicate with one another daily but it doesn’t change the fact she is no longer in this 3D form of existence.

A few days ago she told me that I need to go to church because I had been contemplating going on a solo hike, she insisted that I go to church instead, so I did. I was late but I got to service before it ended. Reverend was giving spirit greetings and within 5 minutes Spirit directed her to me. She immediately brought in my Grandmother and I just wept loudly. No one in service knew what today meant, no one. I’m not surprised either. As soon as I stepped into the church my vibrational frequency changed from a lower level to a higher loving level.

I spoke to the Reverend after church and she advised me to grab a white candle to acknowledge her day before going into a deep meditation. I brought the candle and have it lit next to her photo. I’m in bed now because grieving is exhausting but I’ll be okay. Her Spirit has never left me just her body, yet a part of me will always grieve her passing. Her Spirit is always with me but I’m still human.

August 19th, 2016

I never thought this would be the last night I would spend with Babe on this 3D existence of life. Originally I had planned on spending the night along with my twin sister because now that Babe was on hospice we wanted to spend as much time with her that we could. Before arriving to the hospital I called the nurse’s station and requested for any extra pull out chair so that we both could spend the night but when I entered into the room there was only one. So I did what I always done I took a seat right next to Babe.

She was unconscious at this point but she looked like she was sleeping peacefully even sounded like she was snoring, but that sound was actually a sign of actively dying, which I found out later. I brought a Sylvie Brown book on life in the afterlife and started reading it to her. The photo below is a picture that my sister took while I was reading to her. It doesn’t look like it but Babe is laying in the bed comfortably underneath her blanket. It wasn’t an emotionally hard night for me surprisingly, we had been with her every night since we found out this would be her last stay in the hospital.

This was a Friday night however this began the following Thursday night. I had been pet sitting for my sister’s best friend and was waiting a long time to take the dog back to her parent’s house because my sister and I were flying up to Portland, OR to attend our cousin’s graduation from college. I ended up visiting my grandmother at 8:30pm. When I entered into the room I instantly knew something was wrong, very wrong. She didn’t look like herself and when I touched her she was clammy. She said her stomach hurt which wasn’t unusual but when she asked for a Kleenex to spit up in she threw up dark brown fluid, which was bile. I called for the CNA’s to help clean her up and in that very moment I experienced tunnel vision with Babe. Our soul’s communicated and she told me, “I’m done”, and I immediately started to cry. I heard her in my mind if that makes sense, and I knew then it was the beginning of the end of this journey for her and I both.

Around 12:30am on the 19th I decided to leave and go home. I got up out of my seat and came around the bed and held her bruised hand, and with my other free hand I wipe something from her face and kissed her on her forehead and said, “Ok Babe I’ll see you tomorrow when I spend the night”. I said goodnight to my sister and said “I love you Babe” and immediately I heard in my head, “I love you too”. I verbally recognized this my sister and told her that her spirit was still with her.

Three and a half hours later I received a call from my mother saying, “She’s gone, Mama’s gone”, the day my entire life changed.