Found A Life Worth Living Without You: A Letter About the Survival of Love

Dear Babe,
Your soul decided to go Home two years ago. I remember the moment your Soul spoke to me and you told me, “I’m tired, I’m tired”. At that very moment I saw you as though I was viewing you in tunnel vision. Your mouth didn’t move. Immediately tears rolled down my face and I knew your time here on this dense plane was temporary. The last sentence you said to me was, “I love you too Amber”. I ran from the room and HE ran after me and held me as my soul wept. The wall hallway tormented me and I felt small, almost non-existent as if life wasn’t worth living anymore. An existence without you was inconceivable. Here at the age of 27 I felt life was no longer prevalent. August 18th I sat next to your bed and read you a Sylvia Browne book about crossing over. I stuttered fighting against fatigue and sorrow. I was suppose to spend the night with you and twin but the hospital didn’t have an extra chair bed so before I left I sat beside you and grabbed your bruised hand, kissed your third eye, and stroked your face.

As I was walking out of the door I said, “I’ll spend the night with you tomorrow night. I love you Babe”, and without delay I heard, “I love you too”. No hesitation I said, “She still here, I just heard her say I love you too”. I left my twin and my greatest love for the last time. 3am my Mom called and simply said, “She’s gone”.

My Babe
This time last year I was inconsolable, but I heard your voice tell me to get up and go to church so church is where I went. It was healing and what I needed. All last week I kept hearing and noticing your name…. Madeline, Maddie. For example, I was speaking to you on my way to work on Wednesday last week which isn’t uncommon. When I got to work I had an urge to look at the painted portrait that hangs on the wall besides my work desk and I noticed the artist’s name was Maddie and it was dated ’16. I’ve been sitting at this desk for 3 months and never noticed this. Over the weekend I was speaking to twin and I told her what I had been noticing and I told her I knew that was your way of communicating with me. She went to see a medium and at the end of the reading and WE came up. She asked if she had a sister, which she said yes. She then went onto say, that YOU were with me during this time and were encouraging me to heighten my confidence with a project that I’m doing. That gave me the validation that you ARE and HAVE BEEN communicating with me. Oh Babe, I miss your smile and your touch but because of your love, I know life again is worth living. I’m okay too, I’m surviving this existence without your physicality. I can do this because I’m your granddaughter.
I’ve never known a love as pure nor a soul as beautiful and wise as yours.
Love your Baby.

The Grieving Medium

While listening to Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations podcast episode (Podcast Addict) featuring an interview with the late and great Maya Angelou, I cried inside missing the voice of my beloved Grandmother. As Maya spoke I was reminded of truest fact that hold true within the entire Universe that love does not die, instead it saves and it stays with us, within and completing us.

Grief is experienced even from a medium, one who communicates with the dead, although dead of the body is not one’s true ending it is still as emotion even I constantly work through. In the words of Maya Angelou:

“I know for sure that love saves me”

Even though my Grandmother, my greatest love, is no longer in this 3D existence, her love for me will always save me and never abandon me. Love saves and aides all.

Amber Choisella

When Spirit Defines Home as Louisiana

I’ve been having dreams as of lately (this past Friday 3/2) of my family that made it possible for me to be and it has left an emotional mark on me. My grandparents basically raised me but unlike a lot of grandparents who raised their grandchildren, my parents were also in the picture, so really it was an entire family raising my sister and I. My grandparents though, we the definition of a loving relationship, what a real marriage looks like. In every picture taken my Grandmother is always looking at my Grandfather with such love, no wonder why I love that way that I do. These are my maternal grandparents. If you’ve been following me for a while or from the beginning you would know how much my Grandmother’s presence in my life greatly impacted me. It will be two years in August that she has transitioned back to Spirit and 8 years for my Grandfather, yet when I’m going through a really hard time I feel their presence ever so strongly.

On Friday I woke up crying from a dream about my Grandparents. I woke up in grief. In my dream I was in a fairly large house full of chaos and I wanted to see my Grandfather. I found my Grandmother and asked her where he was and she told me he had “gone home to Louisiana”.

My Grandparents: Mr. Grandpa & Babe

I called him and pleaded with him at this point to come back because I needed him and all he said was that he was home and he couldn’t be where I was anymore. Shortly after that my Grandmother informed that she too would  be going home soon. I tried to process this while I was asleep but I woke up to a wet pillow. I’m currently in a state of transition, trying to figure out what is the best fit for me, what it looks like and what it feels like. It’s difficult to process and I’ve been really struggling with it now and of lately. The rest of the day I was depressed and in mourning because I miss being able to go to my Grandmother for a hug or a smile but whenever I’ve ever really needed her she’s always been available for me and that has never stopped. I’ve thankful to be so intuned to Spirit because I need to know that my Grandmother has never left me, her Spirit is the most important to me; soul mate connection.

Amber Choisella


Channeling Session with TruthCodex

September 1st, 2016

I know some of you will read this and automatically write me off as “crazy” or naive, but the ones who understand will know this as my truth.

I met Adam through another one of my following bloggers  and with whom I correspond with frequently. I believe we come across paths with others for learning purposes, fulfilling karma, and sharing opportunities. You never know the reasons why we meet the people we meet but if everything happens for a reason, each individual comes to us for a reason.

For those who have been reading my recent posts and for those who have not, I’ve recently just lost the greatest love of my life, my Grandmother. I’ve always had a deeper connection with her and three weeks before she transitioned, I asked her if she would come visit me once she was in spirit, not really knowing that 2 weeks later she would be

Life has been rough…. really challenging with the losses and changes I’ve experienced in just a 3 month span; yet nothing is ever without value, right?

So I had known that Adam schedules  FREE channeling sessions with guides and angels but I never felt the need to reach out for a session until my Grandmother made her transition. Channeling for those who do not know this term, is a process done with a channeler/medium who allows their Spiritual guides and angels to speak through them. When this happens the channeler/medium goes into a deep trance and does not have any recollection on what was said during the channeling session. Hopefully you’re following along with what I’m saying if you aren’t already aware of this term.

I correspond with Adam throughout following each others blogs. I reached out to Adam and we scheduled  a Skype session so that we can see and formally meet one another, but I forgot my earphones since I was using my phone for the video conference, so instead he called me. I’ve seen channeling and how it works before since I am a Spiritualist I have seen this phenomenon before. His own voice changed and his wording was different, of a wiser tone. The Spirit Guides communicating through him did not tell me anything I did not already know or predict my future, rather they reaffirmed that everything is as it should be. Especially in terms of grieving.

“Compression, not depression”, is what was said to be my current spiritual state. Grieving is needed, it’s a way to handle and work through transitional moments in life. In sharing my story I hope to help others who will find themselves within my same shoes. As for my grandmother, I received affirmations on what I have been receiving from her and because I was always open with my experiences with her, it’s no wonder that she’ll be one of my many guides in my own spiritual development.

If interested please go check out Adam, read more into what he does and who he is. I found him to be honest, genuine, and very relatable. I’m always elated to meet other like-minded individuals or those who can understand The Free Spirited. 🙂


Found picture online

In Passing…

Breaths are a major part of our existence, if you didn’t know

It brings life and energy.

It allows us to transcend and leave, whether temporarily or permanently.

And it’s never easy but necessary and still we grieve…

Numbness, exhaustion, this will never end

So don’t fear it. Accept and move within it for it’s only inevitable.

Inhale, exhale, leave one existence and continue onward within the next

Sooner than later I’ll see you again…


Amber Choisella