u·biq·ui·tous

Your eyes sometimes look like this and I get lost in them.

Floating aimlessly and “directionlessly”, wish I could stay here, or there

amidst the stars and the nebulae… I should be able to tell you why or how I feel but words freeze where there’s dis-ease and I’m just sick of not being able to tell you, long sigh..

So I stare and get lost, no panic, as you hold me close. I’m nowhere yet everywhere you are. Find me there.

Mendocino

Scent from the trees, the air, and everything that is there

Or here within my mind, is Everything. Your touch is something

Similar to that of the redwood trees I love to see, love to in be tune with.

Not the drive through ones, the ones that sit quietly on the side of the road

In the middle of the forest. You’re just as quiet and calm, with you

I find balance.

If You Could Really See Me…

It is never enough to be beautiful, physically as if that’s everything.

I need independence, space, and acknowledgement that I am more than BEAUTY.

More than turn around and lemme see that booty, thick thighs and a pretty face, a piece of societal waste.

Never. What color is my aura, can you feel me feeling you? Energy and understanding; growth, that’s everything.

Illuminate, educate, meditate, really just vibe and build with me. Definition of Intimacy.

 

Pain is Growth.

It all appeared like he after he never could match me completely. It’s either he was too insecure, not mature enough, or too into himself to see who I really am. After the last experience I swore I would change and not repeat the same lessons… hmmm, mistakes?

Mistakes are gifts not so much in disguise. Without mistakes, what are you actually learning from other from being instructed?

I gave up on falling in love, it caused too many deaths. I gave up on finding an equal, but in doing so I released all my expectations, so I expected nothing in return.

Time was all I needed. Time to grow, time to learn, time to ultimately overcome all the darkness I allowed in. Responsibility, I owe that. Defiance, I owe that; defiant to never again repeat certain lessons.

Only then I was able to attract what I would’ve never been able to see before I closed many dark doors… if it matters at all, every dark corner of deaths I’ve been reborn from, became the greatest lessons I’ve ever learned from. Thank you all first degree murders for killing a part of me so that the lotus within could ascend.

 

Winter 2013

Attempted murder. Stabbed and left me alone to bleed.

No doubt, death would’ve been best. Alone. I never

again believed in love. He said he could never be the man

I deserved, I never understood why, but he was right.

He wasn’t man enough for me but he was man enough for

her. Well deserved. Applaud. Thank you for giving me less than

because you could. That was the last time I swore I would fall in love.

Love, what is that, with another, that vulnerability, to fall within?

That was years ago yet I’ve never loved another like I loved him,

the greatest sin, but I’m ready, I think ….

To love like I loved him, but better this time, more complete.

Tranquility.  I’m not who I was nor who you think I should be.

Winter 2013 should have killed me, but instead it led me free…..

 

Appearance of Love

For years I knew what I thought how you would feel like.

Love, you’ve been so unkind and I wonder if you ever could

Ever be mine. Scars, disgrace, undermining, I believed that was you.

Love. I had to grow, had to learn self-love, personal truth.

My third eye opened and now everything is clear.

Love, you’re different but exactly who you should be.

Dating: The Balance Between Good and “Evil”

I am on the verge of turning 27 years wiser and I want to share what I’ve recently learned with everyone who is currently within the dating realm. People will show you and tell you who they are, it just depends on whether we either become blind to it or accept it.

 

I have finally learned this lesson. There has to be a balance of good and “evil” in order for humanity to learn from itself. People enter our lives for the purpose of enhancing our growth no matter the degree of hurt they may present us. We can either build upon it or dwell within it.

 

People will reveal who they are when we meet them. Trust them when they tell you who they are and pay attention to how they portray themselves as well. We often turn a blind eye to certain signs and characteristics, that is what hurts us in the end. It’s the expectation of what we want, not the reality in which it is presented.

 

Dating is a difficult community to be a part of when you think you know what you want and how you think it will look. I had to release all my major expectations and in doing so I was able to attract what I need, not what I want in a partner. I guess what I’m aiming to say is, listen, observe, and accept what is presented. From that point on you have control, never lose sight of your own control. Control over your feelings most importantly, because dating is hard. Just know exactly what you need from a partner and release all your expectations; only then will you come across your King/Queen.